So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
