used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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