This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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