I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
