Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
