if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
