So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
