at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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