At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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