Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
