some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
a search helicopter?!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
