broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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