if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
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Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
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Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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