i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
