I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
