I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
