Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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