New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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