Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
