if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
