we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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