You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
