Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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