I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
