dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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