drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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