just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
