Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
