K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
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My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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