Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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