"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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