I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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