I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
