i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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