you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
