some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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