just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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