your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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