Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing

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(478): View more from Georgia

i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

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(239): View more from Florida

yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...

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(501): View more from Arkansas

now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets

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(334): View more from Alabama

Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.

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(425): View more from Washington

I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.

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(510): View more from California

Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.

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