dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?