one two three fourrrrnication!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Two words: blizzard sex