so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married