Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
