he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.