I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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