Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.

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(435): View more from Utah

i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.

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(520): View more from Arizona

He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.

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(779): View more from Illinois

We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(301): View more from Maryland

OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.

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(661): View more from California

random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them

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(410): View more from Maryland

In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.

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