i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
