I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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