What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
