There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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