I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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