M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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