I puked a lego.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
