how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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