Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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