I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i believe in u and ur pee
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
