we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's always time for handjobs
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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