If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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