I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
