if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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