whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
