I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
