You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
