if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
