you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
