I hate your face
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
