im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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