if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he shaved USA in his pubs
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
