i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
