Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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