when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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