Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
