i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
