Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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