The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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