MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
