someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
