id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
