just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
sarcasm needs its own font
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
