He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
