R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
