Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
