yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
