Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The Olympian is in my bed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
